self acceptance

In Part 1, we introduced the Myers–Briggs Personality Indicator^® and the first pair of characteristics, Introversion and Extroversion. In Part 2 we explored the second pair, Intuition and Sensation, and here in Part 3, we take a look at the third pair, Thinking and Feeling. Remember that everyone has, to varying degrees, both of the characteristics described in each of the pairs of attributes. The descriptions here are of extremes that rarely apply to real individuals, but rather indicate tendencies we all can recognize in ourselves and in others.

The third pair: Thinking versus Feeling

Here we have another instance where Jung chose fairly imprecise words to describe the types he’d identified: in MBTI, thinking doesn’t mean thinking, and feeling doesn’t mean feeling! Instead, MBTI Thinker types tend to evaluate situations based on a set of rules. This rule-based view means that, to a Thinker, there are established rights and wrongs, norms, and hierarchies that are true and that determine the correct and best way to behave and proceed in a given situation. To a Thinker, these rules can lend structure to areas of life that might otherwise seem chaotic and difficult to navigate. The Thinker’s rules could be, but aren’t always, moral or religious; they could simply be “the way things should be done”—at least, from their perspective.

Feeling types, on the other hand, are more likely to view relationships as the essential guiding factor in evaluating a situation. In other words, how will this situation impact the people involved, and the relationships of the people involved? You can imagine that this might be a much more fluid and “hard to nail down” approach to life’s situations. People and relationships are constantly shifting and evolving, each individual is in relationships with many others, and every relationship holds a web-like connection to innumerable factors such as family, work, religion, culture, and so forth. Naturally, a Feeling type cannot possibly consider every permutation of these relationships; the main point is that Feeling is an entirely different way of relating to the world, and navigating life, than that of the rule-based Thinker.

At its best, the Thinking modality can be a great asset to organizations and to making life’s inevitable chaos manageable. At the extreme end, Thinkers can seem somewhat heartless, always sticking to a predetermined set of rules that they consider right and true, while appearing to ignore the impact of decisions and actions on people and relationships. Feelers would say—and from a certain perspective it’s hard to dispute the point—that any given situation is nothing more than the people and relationships that comprise it. Feelers, at their best, bring “heart” to their evaluations, and realize that fostering the best in people and relationships very often brings out the best in any situation. At the extreme end, Feeling types can end up making organizational and procedural objectives more difficult to attain than they might otherwise be. An F-type’s focus on people and relationships could interfere with important and necessary goals that might best be served by some degree of adherence to the rules, procedures, and established norms that a T takes to naturally.

Learn More

Visit the website of the Myers–Briggs Foundation »

Of the many excellent books and articles that explore MBTI to varying degree, What Type Am I? Discover Who You Really Are does a great job of simplifying the Myers-Briggs tool, making it easy to understand and apply to your own life »

In Part 1, we introduced the Myers–Briggs Personality Indicator® and the first pair of characteristics, Introversion and Extroversion. In Part 2 we explored the second pair, Intuition and Sensation, and here in Part 3, we take a look at the third pair, Thinking and Feeling. Remember that everyone has, to varying degrees, both of the characteristics described in each of the pairs of attributes. The descriptions here are of extremes that rarely apply to real individuals, but rather indicate tendencies we all can recognize in ourselves and in others.

The third pair: Thinking versus Feeling

Here we have another instance where Jung chose fairly imprecise words to describe the types he’d identified: in MBTI, thinking doesn’t mean thinking, and feeling doesn’t mean feeling! Instead, MBTI Thinker types tend to evaluate situations based on a set of rules. This rule-based view means that, to a Thinker, there are established rights and wrongs, norms, and hierarchies that are true and that determine the correct and best way to behave and proceed in a given situation. To a Thinker, these rules can lend structure to areas of life that might otherwise seem chaotic and difficult to navigate. The Thinker’s rules could be, but aren’t always, moral or religious; they could simply be “the way things should be done”—at least, from their perspective.

Feeling types, on the other hand, are more likely to view relationships as the essential guiding factor in evaluating a situation. In other words, how will this situation impact the people involved, and the relationships of the people involved? You can imagine that this might be a much more fluid and “hard to nail down” approach to life’s situations. People and relationships are constantly shifting and evolving, each individual is in relationships with many others, and every relationship holds a web-like connection to innumerable factors such as family, work, religion, culture, and so forth. Naturally, a Feeling type cannot possibly consider every permutation of these relationships; the main point is that Feeling is an entirely different way of relating to the world, and navigating life, than that of the rule-based Thinker.

At its best, the Thinking modality can be a great asset to organizations and to making life’s inevitable chaos manageable. At the extreme end, Thinkers can seem somewhat heartless, always sticking to a predetermined set of rules that they consider right and true, while appearing to ignore the impact of decisions and actions on people and relationships. Feelers would say—and from a certain perspective it’s hard to dispute the point—that any given situation is nothing more than the people and relationships that comprise it. Feelers, at their best, bring “heart” to their evaluations, and realize that fostering the best in people and relationships very often brings out the best in any situation. At the extreme end, Feeling types can end up making organizational and procedural objectives more difficult to attain than they might otherwise be. An F-type’s focus on people and relationships could interfere with important and necessary goals that might best be served by some degree of adherence to the rules, procedures, and established norms that a T takes to naturally.

Learn More

Visit the website of the Myers–Briggs Foundation »

Of the many excellent books and articles that explore MBTI to varying degree, What Type Am I? Discover Who You Really Are does a great job of simplifying the Myers-Briggs tool, making it easy to understand and apply to your own life »

Have you ever heard people describe themselves or others using acronyms like INFP or ESTJ and wondered what they meant? The Myers–Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI^®)test allows people to be characterized according to eight contrasting personality tendencies, yielding 16 different personality types. It is a remarkably accurate and helpful system, based on the insights of the early psychoanalyst Carl Jung. MBTI is used in corporations and organizations to help people improve their productivity and reduce interpersonal conflicts, and by therapists and counselors to help clients better understand themselves. It is a potentially intricate system, and it’s not possible to do it justice here. But it is worthwhile to understand its basics, because of what it can reveal about our inborn character and tendencies.

Some parts of us never really change. They are part of us, it seems, almost from the moment of birth. Understanding these aspects of who we are as revealed by MBTI can lead to greater self-acceptance, which can reduce stress by helping us to realize that we needn’t fight against our innate characteristics. It can also help us become more accepting of others, when we understand they, too, have an innate type. 

“Understanding our personality type can lead to greater self-acceptance, which reduces the stress of fighting against our innate tendencies.”

Keep in mind that there are gradations of these characteristics in every individual. No one is purely one or another extreme. Everyone has some of all eight characteristics within themselves; some people are at the extreme range of one of the characteristics, while more are probably closer to the middle. But everyone has a “type,” a dominant mode of being and relating in the world. 

The first pair: Introversion versus Extroversion

The first pair of letters in an MBTI type description is either I or E. Within MBTI, as opposed to the common usage of these terms, this doesn’t mean being shy or outgoing, though there are some parallels. MBTI introversion/extroversion has more to do with energy level and one’s preferred mode of interacting with people. Extroverts derive energy from being around people, and seek out company to sustain their vitality. Extroverts thrive on meeting new people, on being around people often, and on social stimulation. At parties, a “strong” extrovert will often meet nearly everyone at the party, having brief conversations with most of the guests. Rather than finding this form of interaction draining, an extrovert would find this fascinating and invigorating.

Introverts, in contrast, generally find that social interaction is draining. The more people they have to interact with or even be around, the more draining it will be. Concerts and stadiums are usually not among most introverts’ favorite places. An introvert is much more likely, at a party, to find one or two people they really like or are interested in, and spend the entire time having an in-depth conversation with mostly those few. Of course, an introvert might well prefer to stay home and entertain themselves to going to a party at all. 

Introverts can have a bit of hard time in the world. Life and work have everything to do with social interaction, and if you find that drains you of energy, you may think you have a fatigue or attitude problem (something extroverts may be quick to point out!), when what you really have is an imbalance between your true needs, and what the world expects of you. Others may think you’re a little anti-social, a conflict that can pose difficulty in a marriage between an extreme extrovert and an extreme introvert. (Though it would be something of a marvel for two such different people to make it to the altar, plenty of incompatible couples do tie the knot.)

What’s more, our culture on the whole—as exemplified by popular media images—celebrates extroverts and extroversion, their sociability, outgoingness, and energy, which can make us think that everyone should be this way: always active, seeking more stimulation, and interacting with a large social circle.

In fact, usually introverts can deal with people just fine, but in a different way from extroverts. Introverts prefer deeper connections with a smaller social circle. They need time alone to restore and recharge their batteries (whereas extroverts recharge their batteries by being around more people and being more active).

Introversion is a less common trait than extroversion, making introverts something of a misunderstood minority in the world and in society. Recognizing these tendencies in yourself and in others—in most cases they won’t be quite as extreme as described above—can lead to greater acceptance of yourself and others. And that is an essential ingredient for coming to peace with yourself, your relationships, and the world.

Learn More

Visit the website of the Myers–Briggs Foundation »

Of the many excellent books and articles that explore MBTI to varying degree, What Type Am I? Discover Who You Really Are does a great job of simplifying the Myers-Briggs tool, making it easy to understand and apply to your own life »